Losing and finding

Ok...it's been way too long since I've been on here. In some ways I've lost a lot of time but I needed that time to heal. Writing something that others would see was too hard the past few months so I gave myself the option of getting other things done that didn't involve being creative. I read a lot, watched a lot of the kind of TV where I could learn something, took notes so that I could use what I learned later. That worked for me. Doing the more mundane was manageable. I used a lot of the strategies I've learned to get through this difficult time.

So what did I learn that would be useful to others?

• Don't be too hard on yourself in tough times.
• Don't take on tasks that you don't really have to do.
• Do other smaller tasks that you know you can handle.
• Listen to your body. You'll probably need more rest. Get someone to help you if you can so that you can get the rest your body needs.
• If you're really upset, try writing out your feelings in a journal or on a piece of paper. What you write does not have to be perfect or spelled correctly. This is for you, not your old English teacher.
• For some that don't like to write, say what you need to say out loud to a trusted friend or relative, on a cassette, or to an empty room. It's the writing and the saying that seems to release the hold these feelings have on us
• If you like to read, take advantage of the many wonderful resources that are out there. I just read a wonderful book by Dr. Wayne Dyer which showed up exactly at the time that I needed it most. I had ordered it as a fill in on my Amazon order so I could get free shipping (I'd rather get a book than pay for shipping). It was perfect for where I was at that moment of time. Seems there truly are no coincidences. Maybe it's just what you need too. Here it is on Amazon
  Being In Balance: 9 Principles for Creating Habits to Match Your Desires

Losing someone we love is the most difficult challenge we humans face. But we do get through somehow which speaks to the resiliency of the human spirit. Finding we have ways to cope makes the journey just a bit more bearable.

Connecting with people who have lost someone close

If we haven't yet experienced the loss of someone very close to us, we will. It's inevitable. It's a very difficult time which takes months if not a lifetime to get through. While the person suffering the loss must employ strategies to help them cope with the sadness of losing someone they love, they would most like to be supported by having those around them reach out to them.

Sure everyone sends their regrets immediately upon the loss. Some call. Some connect at the wake and funeral. Some send cards. But then the contact disappears. Perhaps it's more frequent towards immediate family members but as someone who just lost an extremely close friend who was like a sister to me, I could really use a few more people checking in.

I do have a long distance friend who calls me regularly and another close local friend who has brought me dinner and supported me at the wake and funeral. Another old friend gave up his day to be with me during the funeral and I'm extremely grateful. But I'm amazed how few other people I've heard from since.

Two things I know. People are busy with their own lives and although their intentions are good, they forget. And many people just don't know what to do or say, do they do nothing. I remember hearing Nate Berkus on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" talk about how he was coping with the loss of his significant other after the horrendous tsunami in 2004. He thanked people who had sent cards or messages. He said when in doubt, send something - a card, a note, an email. Call...a quick hello. And he was right. It helps to fill the hole that the loss left. Nothing can fill it completely but it's a start.

So if you know someone who lost a friend, a relative, a co-worker - take a minute and reach out. And do it several times over the weeks and months ahead. You will be helping that person to heal more than you can ever imagine.