Connecting with people who have lost someone close

If we haven't yet experienced the loss of someone very close to us, we will. It's inevitable. It's a very difficult time which takes months if not a lifetime to get through. While the person suffering the loss must employ strategies to help them cope with the sadness of losing someone they love, they would most like to be supported by having those around them reach out to them.

Sure everyone sends their regrets immediately upon the loss. Some call. Some connect at the wake and funeral. Some send cards. But then the contact disappears. Perhaps it's more frequent towards immediate family members but as someone who just lost an extremely close friend who was like a sister to me, I could really use a few more people checking in.

I do have a long distance friend who calls me regularly and another close local friend who has brought me dinner and supported me at the wake and funeral. Another old friend gave up his day to be with me during the funeral and I'm extremely grateful. But I'm amazed how few other people I've heard from since.

Two things I know. People are busy with their own lives and although their intentions are good, they forget. And many people just don't know what to do or say, do they do nothing. I remember hearing Nate Berkus on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" talk about how he was coping with the loss of his significant other after the horrendous tsunami in 2004. He thanked people who had sent cards or messages. He said when in doubt, send something - a card, a note, an email. Call...a quick hello. And he was right. It helps to fill the hole that the loss left. Nothing can fill it completely but it's a start.

So if you know someone who lost a friend, a relative, a co-worker - take a minute and reach out. And do it several times over the weeks and months ahead. You will be helping that person to heal more than you can ever imagine.